Seasons are good to have weather wise... but not necessarily in life seasons.
Things must change, enevitably so, for life must go on.
Humans and animals alike get old and time takes its toll. We hate to witness it or be a part of it.
The loss can be heart wrenching, life changing, physically can take a toll that may take a long time to recover from.We ALL will have to go through it, some more often than others, and it affects everyone differently. Life can be so GOOD, and then WAM, it can just disassemble your day to day. Recovery is a journey. Hoping to gain some coping mechanisms for the future as more of this loss is sure to come. Not that I havent had loss, my grandmother in my teens, grandfather in my twenties, my cat and horse in my thirties. Losing a life that you nourtured from a baby, and was a significant part of your daily life, that brought you happiness in so many ways for 10 years, sadly gone in an instant for no reason at all is hard to comprehend. HONESTLY, I had no idea how to relate to people that lose their loved ones and leave flowers year after year, and constantly bring it back to rememberance.
I just couldnt get why people would hang onto their loved one in such a way that was so detrimental to their own lives and progress of healing. Seriously, I had no idea how they felt or why they couldnt cope until it happened to me. I now understand, but it pales in comparison
as I only have my sweet Chloe Sophia Darling to understand their pain.
One way to heal is REPLACE that void as soon as possible. Harder to do with humans than pets for sure, but it does help to nurture and be nurtured, though knowing that you will have to endure it again in a decade does deter some as the older you get the harder it is to actually endure the loss. Hoping I will be Blessed with more than just 10 years. Jealous actually of the large dog owners that share the geriatric ages of their teen dogs! Painfully discusted actually that as much as I loved her and took care of her she couldnt make that additional 5-7 year journey. Making me feel that the poisons I forced her to ingest for her own good was actually the shortened lifespan she received. GUILT is my main burden when recalling moments of "I should have known" or "why didnt I do this or that instead" or my all time regret is that last moment of her when "why couldnt I have sucked it up and been there for her" instead of being so self absorbed with grief that I couldnt cope enough for her last breath. Pitiful actually, I hate myself for it. Instead of recalling great and happy moments, my brain goes back to those very few horrible moments and tortures me.
I have to learn to say,
NOT TODAY SATAN ... NOT TODAY ... IN JESUS NAME.
I have to learn to release that seed of black thought and receive the GRACE & MERCY and His Blessed Assurance that she is up there at Jesus feet being his daily blessing now.
He is saving all my animals for me. All our favorites are his favorites. Our loves are His loves.
Why wouldnt he have them bundles of love with him? They are his creations as we are.
I have seen a sign.... and I feel this way more than you know. It applies to all our furry favs.
"IF THER ARE NO HORSES IN HEAVEN... I AIN'T GOIN'!
and I would just add our pet babies too
I purchased a necklass that said it all,
"IF LOVE COULD HAVE SAVED YOU,
YOU WOULD HAVE LIVED FOREVER"
So true, so true.....
Forever Loved & Missed Dearly.
Chloe Sophia Darling
2008 - 2018
